There Is No Room for Love In Judgment and Shame

413744-Paycheck-to-Paycheck1-345x345

“There is no room for hate in love.”  – A wise girlfriend once told me to remember that.

Let it land.

Soak it in.

She’s right. But, I would add another line: “There is also no room for judgment and shame in love.”

I just made a film, “Paycheck to Paycheck,” about an inspiring and courageous woman named Katrina Gilbert. It’s the kind of film that I believe will stay with you long after you see it.

[Watch the trailer for "Paycheck to Paycheck: The Life and Times of Katrina Gilbert]

A few people who attended our L.A. premiere confessed that before seeing the film they had already judged both the subject matter and the woman herself. Katrina is a single mom with three children, who like 42 million working women in America, is living paycheck to paycheck. She’s not just on the brink of poverty, she’s living in it.

They judged her. Blamed her for the situation she finds herself in.

Judging shames.

I’m sure we have all done it. And I’m sure we have all felt it. And when shame lands, wow does it hurt.

I gave up chips and guacamole for Lent, but I’m now adding judgment to that ‘Give Up’ list.

[Read More of Maria Shriver's "I've Been Thinking]

I can’t stand how it makes me feel to judge and be judged. And I can’t stand how often it’s directed at women and men who live on the brink with their children churning in and out of poverty.

I hope you watch this film. By yourself, with your kids, or, even better, with a group of friends. It’s being streamed free for one week courtesy of HBO, so it won’t cost you a thing.

Let the film in. Please try to suspend judgment and watch with an open mind. And an open heart.

Because it’s true: what the world needs is more love. I’m not talking about big, epic, “The Bachelor” type of love. I’m talking about being kind, empathetic, understanding, compassionate.  Caring for our fellow humans.

[Read: Promote Yourself: Are You Being a Good Inner Boss?]

That, after all, is what love is.

Remember what my wise girlfriend said: There is no hate in love. And there is no love in shaming or judging.

I hope Katrina’s resilience and positive attitude inspires you to show that compassion to yourself. From there it will all just flow forward.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about this week. What about you?

About the Author

author image

Maria Shriver is a mother of four, a Peabody and Emmy Award-winning journalist and producer, a six-time New York Times best-selling author, and an NBC News Special Anchor covering the shifting roles, emerging power and evolving needs of women in modern life. Since 2009, Shriver has produced a groundbreaking series of Shriver Reports that chronicle and explore seismic shifts in the American culture and society affecting women today. Shriver was California’s First Lady from 2003 to 2010 and, during that time, she spearheaded what became the nation's premier forum for women, The Women's Conference. Shriver's work is driven by her belief that all of us have the ability to be what she calls Architects of Change -- people who see a problem in their own life or the community around them, then step out of their comfort zone and do what it takes to create the solution.

Read more from Maria Shriver

Sign Up for the Shriver Weekly

More Posts from Architects of Change

  • Abbe Jacobson
  • Abigail-Brenner
  • Adam-Garone
  • Photo Cred: Carla Duharte Razura
  • Adrian-Crouch
  • Aida-Mollenkamp
  • Alex-Kinzler
  • _MG_6814 copy
  • Alex-Woodard
  • Alexander-Trivas
  • Alexis-Maybank-and-Alexandra-Wilson
  • Ali-Guthy
  • Ali Skylar
  • Alison-Armstrong
  • alison brod
  • Levine_pink_jacket_medium copy