One Easy Way to Change Negative, Judgmental Thougths

We all want quality of life. We’re searching for it. Building it. Work at it daily.

But…Do you ever feel you’re bogged down by your negative thoughts? That you have nothing good to say about anyone or anything? That you’re too critical, too judgmental and too irritated about people and things?Having a steady negative state of mind is killing your happiness and ruining the quality of your life.

So you have two choices: 

  1. Make a choice to change and upgrade the thoughts that dominate your life. Live with: kindness, respect, positivity, goodness, happiness, compassion, love…


  1. Live with: meanness, negativity, misery, revenge, anger, ill-will…

It’s that clear. That simplicity of a choice.

American author, poet and philosopher Henry David Thoreau expressed it this way: “As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.”

[Dress for Pressure…Not Success]

Having a heaven or hell state of mind

“He’s a jerk… she’s always so thoughtful… why can’t he figure it out for himself… what does she want now… he takes good care of himself… I love helping people… she wears the same outfit every time she goes out… life sucks and I’ll never get anywhere no matter how hard I try… I’m such a fortunate person.”

See what I mean? Every minute we’re judging and labeling something. Choosing and shuttling back and forth between — love or hate  anger or gratitude  happiness or resentment? What effect does your preference have on you?

Certainly some of your thoughts are true and you should stick to them 100 percent, but I’m encouraging you to go deeper into yourself and consciously be aware of the choices you make and… what your thoughts actually do to you. Do they make you strong and happy or weak and sad? What feels good and what doesn’t?

Life Coach and author Dr. Martha Beck puts it like this“It isn’t necessary to know exactly how your ideal life will look; you only have to know what feels better and what feels worse. If something feels both good and bad, break it down into its components to see which are warm, which cold. Begin making choices based on what makes you feel freer and happier, rather than how you think an ideal life should look. It’s the process of feeling our way toward happiness, not the realization of some Platonic ideal that creates our best lives.”

[Good Friendships Will Boost Your Brain Power: Here’s How]

Right now start watching your thoughts and actions. See what runs you.

– What do you like?

– What do you hate?

– How much do you complain?

– How do you treat people?

– Are you kind or thoughtless?

– What is your state of mind?

– What is in your heart?

We’re way too good at the wrong things

For years I prided myself in my ability to tear people down rather than looking for the good. I felt powerful finding flaws, making fun and figuring out ways to get back at someone.

The pleasure I got out of scorning people was narrow and contemptuous  the wrong kind of pleasure  and over time my meanness ended up making me a very cold person. When the time came to have real feeling for people, to be honestly helpful and kind I felt practically nothing.

[What Stress Does to Your Hormones + 3 Stress Management Strategies]

The destructive thought choices I made spoiled most of my genuine, good feelings  the natural sweetness of heart and love we are all born with for other people and things.

I didn’t like myself for being this way and that is why I started to change and make new choices about how I treated people. I wanted to feel good!

I started to watch myself like a hawk. Checking my thoughts and actions and consciously choosing to have a good effect on people  to actively be kind.

I knew things started to change when simple thoughtful gestures just naturally happened. Sincerely smiling at someone or thinking about doing something nice for a friend for no special reason. I began to feel good about myself; feeling free, warm and relaxed, not angry or hard.

[Empty “Next” Syndrome: What It Is and How to Cope With It]

I learned that the thoughts we put out into the world make us who we are. If we broadcast negativity we attract it right back like a magnet. If we appreciate and give then kindness and love comes our way.

So here’s your assignment: Take every negative thought you have and match it with an alternative positive thought. Instantly focus and reframe it. Change it. Turn it around. Watch what happens. See if you feel better about yourself and the world.

  • When you promote goodness you promote your own total well-being.
  • When you step away from being pessimistic you gain positive feelings, new peace and hope.
  • When you start liking things you move away from needless suffering and bitterness into greater joy and happiness.

Practice and put it into place. Let go of what disturbs you. Over time the change will happen. It’s like quenching your thirst. Feeding your hunger. Getting a long and restful sleep.

The quality of your thoughts create the quality of your life.

[Read Maria Shriver’s latest ‘I’ve Been Thinking’ essay]

Choose to honor lifenot to disparage it. It’s the deepest and most natural and pleasurable thing in you. It’s who you truly are and you owe it to yourself and others to live life fully with goodness and generosity.

Go for it! You can have real and lasting happiness. And let me know in the comments how it’s going.


About the Author

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Michael Feeley was a recruiter and business consultant in New York City for over 20 years, partnering with top Fortune 500 companies and boutique firms in the fields of -- entertainment, finance, advertising, non-profit, real estate, publishing, fashion…helping thousands of people to be truly happy in their work.His private coaching clients include HR Specialists, CEO’s, creatives and other business professionals.Michael has written for – Michael Port, Just Bloom, The Fordyce Letter, LinkedIn and The Huffington Post. It’s a great honor for him to start working with learn more about Michael -- visit his website or contact him directly by email,

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