Why We Waited Until Marriage to Have Sex

As millions of people know from our many post-wedding magazine interviews, radio and television appearances, and live talks, we waited until after we got married to have sex.

When we began talking publicly about our courtship and our celibacy, the questions from hosts and audience members naturally started off being mostly about sex. Giggling like teenagers in a locker room, people would ask the obvious: How did we stay strong? How did we resist temptation? Things like that. Both of us answered honestly and clearly from our experiences, and in time the questioning became deeper and more serious.

There was a desire, a hunger, behind the inquiries. The unspoken message was: We want to have real love. Is it really possible? Your love appears to be so real. If it is, tell us how you got it, please. The Wait DeVon Franklin Meagan Good

[4 Warning Signs That Your Relationships May Be in Trouble]

So we started looking at the choices that had taken us from being two coworkers in the entertainment business to being a blissfully happy husband and wife, sitting in front of audiences talking about how we’d made it work. As we did, a pattern revealed itself. Again and again, faced with the choice between instant gratification and delaying our own satisfaction to pursue something better, we chose the latter.

When we weren’t even together but were coming out of unhappy relationships, we each chose not to be intimate (intimacy isn’t just about sex; it’s also about sharing emotionally) with anyone for a time. When we grew closer but were unsure whether we were really right for each other, we waited for clarity from God. When we felt those incredible second-and third-date connections, we didn’t go crazy, get engaged, or even jump into a relationship the next day. We waited and got to know each other. As our physical attraction grew stronger, we resolved to wait until after marriage. Faced with choice after choice, when it would have been easy and fun to throw caution and good sense to the wind, we waited.

But why? Why did we consciously delay the gratification—not just sexual but emotional and spiritual—that would have come with diving headfirst into a passionate relationship? The answer is simple: we wanted God’s very best for our lives, collectively and individually, and we wanted it in whatever way He intended. This required patience.

[7 Things Our Elders Can Teach Us About Marriage]

In the past, we’d both been burned in unpleasant relationships because we acted impulsively, leaped before we looked, or let our emotions overwhelm our judgment. We got tired of doing things the same way but expecting a different result (this is the classic definition of insanity). Maybe there was a way God wanted us to date that would bring us peace and what we wanted most: authentic love.

The signs that He was guiding us toward each other were unmistakable, but He didn’t want us to come together before we were ready. So we were still. We examined who we were, what we needed, and the mistakes we’d made in past relationships. We began the process of letting go of some heavy baggage and some preconceptions about the kind of person who might make a perfect partner. In short, we quit trying to make things happen for our short-term pleasure and let God take the wheel. When we finally got together and talked about the experiences leading up to our relationship, we understood that we had discovered something profound and powerful. By consciously not giving in to the desire for a quick hit of satisfaction—the intoxicating rush of a new romance, the flush of sexual attraction, the pleasure of having someone to show off to friends and family—we laid the groundwork for what has become the love of our lives.

Because we waited, we exchanged immediate gratification for what we really wanted and who we really wanted to be. Because we waited, God was able to reveal things that we would have missed if we had been blinded by the white-hot light of lust, desperate to fulfill our own desires. Because we waited, we were eventually ready.

[Stop Sleeping With Him… One Woman’s Argument for Abstinence]

That was the beginning of The Wait.


The Wait is not just about sex, but it begins with sex. How could it not? We live in a time when books like the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy have sold more than 100 million copies and the corresponding movie has grossed over half a billion dollars at the worldwide box office. Almost every popular magazine on the newsstands has some headline dealing with sex. “I Like High-End Sex Parties and I’m Not a Weirdo” was an actual headline from one of the biggest magazines in the world. Well, how about “We Waited to Have Sex and We’re Not Weirdos Either”?

Human beings love sex. We think about it, talk about it, read about it, watch it on the Internet, and spend a great deal of our time, energy, and money trying to get it. Because of this, sex makes us do some truly stupid things. Ironically, as much as we like to wag our fingers at one another about the potential harm our hypersexual culture can cause, talking about not having sex is what raises people’s ire. The moment the two of us announced we were working on this book, a prominent blog published a post titled “Meagan Good, DeVon Franklin & the Danger of Promoting ‘The Wait.’” We had no idea that talking about our story and trying to provide a positive, healthy dialogue about relationships and sex would be deemed dangerous!

[Read Maria Shriver’s latest ‘I’ve Been Thinking’ essay]

We actually think it’s dangerous not to talk about sex and advocate the idea that it’s okay to wait. How can you learn to date in a way that promotes physical, spiritual, and mental health if you don’t talk about the emotional, spiritual, and physical risks of sex? Is it really okay for the majority of songs on the radio—and the melodies streaming through Spotify and thousands of HD music videos on Vevo—to market an oversexualized way of life to the masses but not okay for us to talk about an alternative way of thinking that might actually help someone become a healthier person and lead a better life?


{Image credit: Pixabay}


About the Author

author image

DeVon Franklin is a growing force in entertainment and media. Beliefnet named him one of the “Most Influential Christians Under 40.” The bestselling author of Produced By Faith: Enjoy Real Success Without Losing Your True Self is also President & CEO of Franklin Entertainment, a preacher and motivational speaker. He most recently produced the Sony Pictures film, Miracles From Heaven starring Jennifer Garner. He’s a graduate of the University of Southern California. Follow DeVon on Twitter.Meagan and DeVon married in the summer of 2012 and live in Los Angeles, California. They are co-authors of The Wait: A Powerful Practice for Finding the Love of Your Live and the Life You Love.Meagan Good is an award-winning actress and producer who most recently starred as the lead in the FOX series Minority Report. She’s top lined some of Hollywood’s biggest blockbusters including Think Like A Man, Think Like a Man Too, Anchorman: The Legend Continues, Stomp The Yard and the critically acclaimed Eve’s Bayou. She’s also cofounder of The Greater Good Foundation, a non-profit organization that advocates for the empowerment and enrichment of young women. Follow Meagan on Twitter.

Read more from DeVon Franklin & Meagan Good

Sign Up for MariaShriver.com's Weekly Must-Read

More Posts from Architects of Change