Maria’s Sunday Paper: What I’m Giving Up For Lent This Year
Maria’s Sunday Paper: What I’m Giving Up For Lent This Year
On the Sunday before Ash Wednesday, my pastor asked all of us at church to start thinking about Lent. What might we do this Lenten season, and what might we give up, he asked?
His sermon really got me thinking. In the past, I’ve used Lent as an opportunity to give up things that I loved. Things that might sound simple and slightly ridiculous, but that were actually quite hard for me to cut out. It was Swedish fish one year. Popcorn and licorice another. Last year, I gave up chips and guacamole (my all-time favorite).
What I’ve learned from Lent over the years is that stopping something cold does make a difference. It doesn’t matter what you give up. Your relationship with whatever has a hold on you will change, no matter what it is. And so, as I thought about all of this last Sunday, I wondered: what vice do I have right now that has too much of a hold on me? Then, out of the blue, it came to me. The answer is self-doubt.
Yes, I have self-doubt. Yes, I question myself. Yes, I question the decisions that I make — big and small — way more than I care to admit. But, I’ve come to think and to feel that self-doubt is really harmful. It’s cruel, it’s critical and it’s mean. It’s also bad for my health — my physical health, my mental health, and my spiritual health.
And so, I decided right then and there to kick the habit. Then Ash Wednesday came — the day I was to begin — and the school shooting in Parkland, FL, happened. That led me back to church, trying to make sense of such a senseless tragedy.
I sat there trying to think about whether I should stick with giving up self-doubt for Lent. It just seemed so trivial in the wake of 17 people being killed. Then, I stopped myself cold. No, I was sure. Self-doubt is exactly what I should give up during these confusing and troubling times.
Giving up self-doubt is the right thing for me for many reasons, but it’s especially important now because I don’t want to spend any more of my precious time alive on this earth doubting myself.
I don’t want to spend my living, breathing, and thinking time going back and forth in my mind and with my mind. I don’t want to whittle hours away doubting myself, confusing myself, and diminishing myself and my light. Instead, I want to spend my time thinking about the concrete, valuable things that I can say and do with my time and my voice now.
Like, here’s one: Why the hell can’t we all agree that assault weapons have no place in our country?
None of us needs to own an assault weapon. No one. Why can’t we just say to our lawmakers: accomplish this one thing for God’s sake? And, if you don’t, we the people will defeat you!
It doesn’t matter if you’re a Democrat, a Republican, or an Independent. It doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman. In my mind, if you can’t support getting rid of this one thing, then you don’t deserve to call yourself a representative of the people.
We the people — the vast majority of us, anyway — don’t want these assault weapons sold on our streets. We don’t want them sold on the Internet, at gun shows, or anywhere. We especially don’t want them sold to 18-year-olds.
Oh, and if you’ve bought one already, let’s make it a law that you have six months to turn it in. We the people will buy them back from you and burn them and melt them.
I actually don’t think this is a big ask. At this point, it’s like what I say to my kids, “I’m not asking you. I’m telling you. This is the way it’s going to be!”
That’s right. This is where we are now. Because asking hasn’t delivered any solutions. Because endlessly debating the pros and cons of changing our gun laws hasn’t gotten us anywhere. Because doubting ourselves about what to do hasn’t made a difference.
We doubt ourselves and we ask ourselves, is there something wrong with us? No, there isn’t. There is something wrong with lawmakers who are beholden to the NRA or other groups. There is something wrong with our system if the FBI received a tip about Nikolas Cruz in January and didn’t pursue it. There is something wrong if we refuse to look to other parts of the world for lessons on how we can fix this out-of-control problem. Like in Europe, where Germany has successfully increased funding for in-school psychologists and conducts psychological tests on anyone under 25 who wants to purchase a gun.
Banning assault weapons is low-hanging fruit. This is one thing that we can get done. I actually have no doubt that this is a good move for the best of us. It’s the right move to make, right now.
And now that I’m several days into my whole “ditch the self-doubt” thing, I’ve come to realize that my doubt was like a fog over my fire. With certainty comes clarity. Then, comes action. That’s empowering.
Doubt makes your mind go around in circles. It’s paralyzing. It makes you think, “There is nothing I can do… Those elected representatives know more than me…” Wrong.
Today, there is no doubt in my heart and mind that I am never going to vote for a human being who doesn’t oppose assault weapons. I’m never going to vote for an elected official who doesn’t speak out against domestic violence. I’m never going to vote for someone who doesn’t believe that climate change is real. I’m never going to vote for someone who won’t fund NIH research into crippling diseases. I’m never going to vote for a person who runs the White House with people who can’t get security clearances and who can’t admit when they’ve made a mistake. I’m never going to vote for someone who uses their voice to sow doubt in facts and confuse the American people. And, while I’m at it, yes, I’d fire Gen. Kelly if he were my chief of staff. But I’m not his boss, so I guess he’s safe.
Now, before you wonder, “Who the hell does she think she is saying this stuff?” Let me answer that for you.
I’m smart and I’m strong. I’m tender and I’m tough. I’m compassionate and I’m caring. I’m confident and I’m clear. I’m someone who, in the past, allowed my better judgment to occasionally get taken over by self-doubt, only to realize that I was right all along.
Yes, I’ve made mistakes. Yes, I have flaws. But I’m no longer afraid of either. That’s what makes me wise to the world, wise to people, and wise to how to get stuff done. Today, I am a focused, centered, calm, and committed spiritual woman. I am a powerful, loving force of nature. And after Wednesday’s tragedy, I’m pissed with a capital P.
I may not have all the answers, but I’m not going to doubt what I know in my heart to be true. Not anymore. Self-doubt doesn’t go along with how I want to see myself today, nor should it go along with how you see yourself, either. Don’t wait as long as I did to give it up and feel your power.
Tell me, what did you give up for Lent?
WIN A COPY OF “I’VE BEEN THINKING…”!
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VIEWS ABOVE THE NOISE
VIRGINIA TECH SURVIVOR: ‘I KNOW WHAT’S AHEAD FOR THE SURVIVORS OF THE PARKLAND, FL, SCHOOL SHOOTING’
Lisa Hamp is a survivor of the 2007 Virginia Tech massacre, which claimed the lives of 32 innocent victims. This courageous Architect of Change has since devoted her life to being a speaker, writer, and advocate for school safety and survivors of mass shootings. In a piece for The Washington Post this week, Lisa shared her unique perspective on what life is like after a tragic incident like this. [READ MORE]
MEDITATION EXPERTS SHOW US HOW TO FIND THE SANCTUARY WITHIN, ESPECIALLY DURING THESE TROUBLING TIMES
I’m so glad that I got to sit down this week for two powerful Architects of Change LIVE conversations about the power of meditation and the mind.
On Monday, I sat down with my dear friend Bob Roth, who leads the David Lynch Foundation and has helped millions of people (including children, prisoners and war veterans) learn how to move past trauma and find their inner peace and calm. [WATCH OUR CONVERSATION HERE]
Then on Wednesday, I had the wonderful opportunity to meet Sukey and Elizabeth Novogratz, authors of the new book “Just Sit: A Meditation Guidebook for People Who Should, But Don’t.” The two told me about how meditation has helped them live through grief and addiction, and has improved their relationships and their lives. [WATCH OUR CONVERSATION HERE]
HOW TO ACCEPT YOURSELF UNCONDITIONALLY, EVEN WHEN CIRCUMSTANCES ARE CHALLENGING
I love this piece I found on one of my favorite sites, Tiny Buddha. It’s a perfect companion piece to my essay on giving up self-doubt. Writer Brianna Johnson, a practicing yoga teacher, describes how she overcame her own negative thoughts. [READ MORE]
ERIN FALCONER WANTS US TO REMOVE THE WORD ‘SHOULD’ FROM OUR LIVES RIGHT NOW
I love that Architect of Change Erin Falconer, editor in chief and co-owner of the highly respected self-improvement site, Pick the Brain, has discovered a down-to-earth method for getting women to be more productive, without having to overschedule our lives. In her new book, “How to Get Sh*t Done,” she explains that by doing less, we can achieve more. [READ AN EXCERPT HERE]
THE BEST OF US: THE SURVIVORS AND VICTIMS OF THE FLORIDA SCHOOL SHOOTING: This week we want to honor and remember the students, teachers, parents, victims, and first-responders of the Parkland, FL school shooting. In tragic times like these, it’s important to remember those whose lives will be forever changed, forever affected, forever lost.
The video above shares stories of the 17 human beings we lost this week and who deserve to be remembered. Individuals like assistant coach Aaron Fies, who bravely shielded his students from harm before his own life was taken by the gunman. This story eloquently pays tribute to Fies, who has been described as “selfless” and “always making sure everyone was OK.”
NEWS ABOVE THE NOISE
1. Teen Survivor in Florida School Shooting Has a Message for Lawmakers: I think we will be hearing more from this young man, 17-year-old David Hogg. The message he shared with a CNN reporter really resonated with me and is worth us all taking a moment to hear. Watch above. [WATCH NOW]
2. Groundbreaking Study Offers Hope to Those Who Suffer From Anxiety: This is potentially very exciting news. Through a series of experiments, neuroscientists have discovered the physical source of anxiety in the brain. The research could lead to breakthrough treatment. [READ MORE]
3. Medical Screenings Might Prevent Teen Suicide: In today’s climate in which so many teens are not receiving necessary mental health attention, it falls upon our primary care physicians to also be first responders in recognizing teens in need. [READ MORE]
4. Why Is Loneliness Killing Millions of American Men?: I found this story to be very compelling. It dispels the myth that men don’t need emotional male companionship and examines why close, emotional friendships are crucial for them to live more fulfilling lives. [READ MORE]
5. Co-Workers Donate Overtime Pay to Single Dad Whose Son Is Diagnosed with Leukemia: This is such a heartwarming story. After a single dad in Germany discovered that his 4-year-old son had Leukemia, his co-workers stepped up in a big way to help him get time off to care for his son. [READ MORE]
6. Why You Should Share Your Bucket List With Your Doctor: I love that this doctor, who specializes in end-of-life care, takes particular interest in her patients’ final hopes and dreams. By eliciting bucket lists, Dr. VJ Periyakoil has been able to get her patients to adopt healthier behaviors. [READ MORE]
7. Time Magazine Features Cover Story On How to Live a Longer, Better Life: I am so excited that Time Magazine’s cover story is a research-based piece on how we can live longer, more enriching lives. [READ MORE]
INSPIRING SPEECHES FROM LEADERS AMONG US
‘FROZEN’ SCREENWRITER/DIRECTOR CALLS FOR US TO BAN SELF-DOUBT: This speech is so appropriate for our discussion of “self-doubt.” During this 2014 commencement address to graduates from the University of New Hampshire, Jennifer Lee opens up about her bouts of self-doubt and shares how finding self-acceptance allowed her to acquire the freedom to move forward. WATCH NOW
Have you heard a speech in your community or online that you think we should share? Write to us.
READERS’ VOICES: WHAT YOU’RE SAYING ABOUT GUN CONTROL
So many of you emailed me and left profound, thought-provoking comments on my Facebook page this week after the shooting in Parkland, FL. I thought it would be worthwhile if we take a moment to listen to what we’re all saying and reflect on how to move forward from here, together. The first comment below comes from Scarlett Lewis, who lost her son Jesse in the Sandy Hook School shooting. She wrote for The Sunday Paper before about her effort to teach educators and children how to become more connected, resilient individuals.
My son Christopher is trying to give up social media for Lent. (He’s a college sophomore, so that’s super hard.) He shared this with me and I love it so much that I’m sharing it as our Sunday reflection today.
INSPIRATION FOR THE WEEK AHEAD
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