Why I Turned My Life Around to Be a Better Father to My Son
I was 25 years old when I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. At that point, I had already been in and out of prison three times. I panicked at the news. It wasn’t long before I became a completely different person, using drugs and running around all hours of the day and night. I am a horrible person when I’m using; I become a monster. I don’t care about anyone or anything once drugs get involved. I wish I could say it was just the fear of having a child that sent me back down this path of destruction, but the truth is that this is just the path that I’ve wandered since the age of 15. I decided to run and hide, doing what I knew best. It wasn’t long before Tracy broke up with me and went through the whole pregnancy on her own.
Tracy gave birth to our son Xavier in February of 2011. I had probably been awake for several days, but I still showed up to the hospital. I remember looking at Xavier through the glass of the nursery. I wish I could say seeing him instantly changed my life forever, but that wouldn’t be the truth.
When I would show up to see Xavier, I was either high or coming down. I found myself sitting with my one-month-old son not even being able to keep my eyes open long enough to see my son crack a smile. It wasn’t long before I was asked not to come.
Before Xavier turned one, I was picked up by LAPD for burglary and sentenced to serve three years. I didn’t know how I was going to do it, but I knew I was going to have to change and become a positive role model and a father. I started writing apology letters and I must have written to 20 people. Tracy is the only person that even wrote back. Her letter might not have been everything I wanted to hear, but it was everything I needed to hear.
During my time in prison, I also wrote Xavier letters and drew him cards. I served my 3 years and got out of prison. I went to live in a sober living facility in South Los Angeles. I started looking for work. I got certified so I could work the oil refinery, but I couldn’t find a job anywhere.
Usually that’d be when I’d start making bad choices, but, this time, Tracy told me that I could see my son on Father’s Day, only three months away. I remembered a friend from prison telling me about Homeboy Industries; it sounded way too good to be true, like he was trying to sell me a dream. I grabbed my phone and googled Homeboy Industries. I went there and enrolled myself into a 15-week parenting course and a group called Project Fatherhood. I was laser focused on being ready to see my son on Father’s Day.
Through a partnership with Good+Foundation, Homeboy provided me with diapers, a stroller, and clothes that I could proudly bring to Tracy and Xavier. These goods were instrumental to my showing up for my courses at Homeboy. They allowed me to provide something for my family while I worked on myself to build a better life.
I rode the bus to see Xavier on Father’s Day and I was so nervous. When I arrived, Tracy asked Xavier, “Who is that?” And Xavier said, “Daddy.” That is a day I will never forget. I began to see Xavier every other weekend, and then every weekend, and then more and more. We would have so much fun together. I also kept attending Project Fatherhood and working hard to become a better father.
Tracy and I decided to try our relationship one more time and the three of us moved in together into a one-bedroom apartment. I applied for the Homeboy 18-month job training program. Two weeks later, my name was pulled from the Homeboy lotto and I had a start date.
I completed the 18-month training program at Homeboy Industries and with their help, I’ve had the felonies expunged off my record. Now, I work for Homeboy, where I coordinate Project Fatherhood and facilitate two court-ordered parenting classes. I now get to play a huge part in reunifying families. I’m a full-time father to a handsome and smart 9-year-old son that I would do anything in the world for. Tracy and I are married and have been back together for seven years. I’m a homeowner and even have four beautiful dogs. I wouldn’t trade my life for the world.
