DeVon Franklin Wants Us All to ‘Live Free’
The word “optimist” almost feels too small for DeVon Franklin, the lauded motivational speaker, author, and award-winning producer who has uplifted his massive following through his inspirational talks and writings. Franklin’s joyful delivery and passion to help people leave a lasting imprint on anyone who crosses paths with his work. Now with his new book, Live Free, the multi-hyphenate is offering his keys to living a life that is just that: free, authentic, and fulfilling. The book is a compass for breaking away from the chains of stress and societal expectations.
Franklin recently offered The Sunday Paper an exclusive look at how his new work can help us all “define what living free looks like” for ourselves.
A Conversation with DeVon Franklin
What does it mean to “live free?”
To LIVE FREE means you are not under the mental, physical, or emotional control of anyone or anything. You live according to only the expectations you chose.
You are free from the burdens and stress of trying to live up to or down to what others expect from you. Free from the prison of negative thoughts and self-talk that keeps you from feeling trapped. Free from the anxiety that you aren’t going to succeed.
Of course, for each individual, freedom will be a different experience. You get to define what living free looks like for you, and it is always a wonderful blessing when you do.
In your new book you talk about how we succumb to the expectations that we allow to be placed on ourselves. What is an expectation?
As I mention in my book, expectations are strong beliefs about what should happen. Beliefs, which may feel as real as concrete, are central to who we are, and they are generally ideas we are willing to live by or die for. Our beliefs, however, can sometimes cause us to misjudge what is happening, or will happen, by leading us to misinterpret certain facts in our life. The people who seek advice from me almost always complain about how miserable they are because of something that hasn’t happened yet. That’s one of the main problems with expectations: they keep us from living in the present, enjoying the process, and appreciating what we do have. The news flash in LIVE FREE is that if you’re not happy now, you won’t be happy then.
How can we start to unravel these expectations to live free?
To live free and start unraveling expectations, you need to cast off as many expectations as possible and then set those that remain. After assessing and possibly letting go of the illusions and false goals that have been contributing to your dissatisfaction, you can properly set your expectations and live more in a time of less.
Setting expectations simply requires asking yourself two critical questions: Is it a realistic or unrealistic expectation? Is it a spoken or unspoken expectation?
If someone wants to truly make a huge leap in their life, say to advance their career or make a change in their relationship, where is the first place they should start?
As I say in my book, before you can fly, you’ve got to shed; part of the process of setting expectations is letting go of many of those you’ve taken on throughout your life, including those you were unaware of up until now.
In LIVE FREE, I also identify four main areas in your life where expectations come into play: Personal, Cultural, Relational, and Professional. To truly make a huge leap to live more freely, you’ll have to gain control in all of these areas. To do so, you must evaluate each and every one of your expectations and determine where it came from. If it doesn’t serve you, you must let it go. By doing so, you will release yourself from its grip. Do this again, and again, and again, until you’re left with only the expectations of your choosing. Then, any expectations you do keep must be set carefully; make sure these expectations are realistic and communicate them to anyone else who might need to agree to meet them.
You are always so upbeat, energetic, and positive. What is your secret?
The secret is in learning to set our own expectations rather than accepting those imposed on us by culture, career and relationships!
I can admit that I’m not perfect, and in LIVE FREE, I actually talk about how I had to get rid of the “Mr. Perfect” expectation I had been battling with. I grew up the middle child of three boys fighting for my place in my family. There was also a certain amount of chaos in my upbringing because my dad was an alcoholic, which contributed to his premature death. When he was alive, he would make promises to come spend time with my brothers and me that he wouldn’t honor. I hated how that felt—like everything in my life was out of my control. My craving for control and attention caused me to be very disciplined and focused, which led me to excel in the classroom and in leadership. The more I achieved, the more positive reinforcement I received, so I concluded: In order to get attention, I need to achieve. And I can control this achievement.
What began to happen, over time, however, was that I put very high standards on myself and became unrelenting in pursuing them, in the belief that the cost of not doing so would be devastating. I engaged in negative self-talk on a daily basis, even when I seemed to be thriving. I achieved a great deal, but it never felt good enough, or like I was enough. It was not a healthy way for me to live. I’d based my expectations on my need to be perfect, which of course was unrealistic. And, so I struggled for a long time with the fact that my expectations were unset and couldn’t be set.
In my book LIVE FREE, I talk more about this, and how unmanaged expectations lead to an unhappy life! LIVING FREE allowed me to break free of “Mr. Perfect.” Today, I make sure I am setting realistic expectations for myself and holding myself accountable for my own happiness, while focusing on communicating my expectations. I honestly work daily to “live free.”
DeVon Franklin is a media multi-hyphenate. An award-winning Hollywood producer, a New York Times bestselling author, and a renowned motivational speaker, he is followed by millions around the world for inspiring content, encouragement, and advice. On Air with Ryan Seacrest calls him a “self-help master,” and Oprah calls him “a different kind of spiritual teacher for our time.” DeVon is the producer of hit inspirational films like Breakthrough and Miracles from Heaven, and sits on the Board of Governors for the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences . He is also the author of multiple bestselling books, such as The Success Commandments and The Wait, which he co-wrote with his wife, Meagan Good. His highly anticipated fifth book, LIVE FREE: Exceed Your Highest Expectations is available now. To learn more visit devonfranklin.com.
