Actor Oliver Hudson on His Most Favorite Role

Oliver Hudson is a successful actor with an impressive list of credits, from leading roles on hit series from Nashville to Splitting Up Together. But there’s one role the actor says he’s most proud of these days—that of dad.

We spoke to the father of three about his own strained relationship with his dad, his new project celebrating fathers, and why being a dad is pretty much his “number one priority” in life.

You’re currently working on a brand-new series called World’s Best Dad. What made you want to tackle the topic of fatherhood and why now?

I think it goes back. I had a rough go at it with my own father and Kurt [Russell] came into my life and raised me and jumping forward I do have somewhat of a relationship with my dad now. But I remember in my early 20’s wanting to be a dad—wanting to be a young dad. I remember telling my mom “when I’m 24, I want to have children,” and she’s like “alright, well just slow down for a second.” But I was conscious of what I went through and not wanting to repeat the patterns.

In researching this show, just the title itself—there is no such thing as the “World’s Best Dad.” We’re all just doing our best given our circumstances and I wanted to shine a light on that and celebrate all the different kinds of dads and the sacrifices they make for their families—physically, emotionally, all of it. I have a career, there’s no doubt about it, but I’ve definitely sacrificed some of my career being a father. I won’t work out of town for long periods of time. It’s just something that’s ingrained in me and as I get older it’s becoming more of who I am.

There seems to be a new era of modern fatherhood demonstrated by dads like yourself who are so involved in their children’s lives. Do you think talking about fatherhood so openly is giving other men permission to do the same?

I think there’s this groundswell of fatherhood just in and around me. There’s this celebration of dads that is happening—whether it’s new or not I don’t know. I also think, on another scale, it’s more acceptable for men to be emotional these days. It’s okay to wear your feelings on your sleeve and it’s okay to cry and it’s okay to be confused and insecure and once you’re able to sort of put that out there, it alleviates a lot as well. For me personally, the more you talk about it, the better it gets, just generally in life. It’s nice. It’s more acceptable to emote these days. To love your children in a different kind of way—outwardly. I think there is definitely something in the air for sure.

Does your experience growing up estranged from your father, Bill Hudson, and in a blended family inform how you parent? You’ve been open about your path to reconciliation with him in adulthood.

[Reconciliation] was something I needed to do for myself and even for [my dad]. We’re really quick to pass judgments and I understand it was a rough go for him and for me and for my sister. But if you go back into the history, if you try to dig a little deeper into why this might have happened, you learn some things and you understand that he had a situation that was unfortunate where his dad just bailed on him.

I was lucky enough to have a mother and a stepfather who pushed me so that I could build a toolbox to deal with some of these emotions and traumas. My dad didn’t have that. His dad bailed on him at five-years-old and he was sort of left to his own devices. And I’ve been through a lot of self-analysis and have had an amazing reconciliation with him because I have true forgiveness and compassion for him and his situation. I was able to express that to him three or four years ago.

Now, I’m not going to sugar coat it, we’re not best of friends and it’s not this son and father relationship, but it is what it is. It’s what it’s supposed to be right now and there is a connection where there wasn’t one four years ago. It’s baby steps, really.

Do you have any advice for families that are in the middle of blending or already blended? And for men that may be fathering children that aren’t biologically theirs?

Honestly, it’s patience. It’s understanding that these stepdads in these blended families are just trying to do their best. Generally, all they want is just to be there for their step kids and I’ve watched Kurt do it beautifully.

There was a pivotal moment, actually, in our lives when my mom and my dad were having an issue and my sister, Katie, and I were upset over it—we were kids, we were young. And Kurt pulled us aside and said “look, whether your mom and I are together forever is irrelevant, because I will be here for you. I will be in your life until the day that I die or until the day that you die. And I can make that promise to you.”

And at that time, we just called him Kurt and he said, “I don’t want you to call me dad, because you have a dad.” He respected those boundaries. He said, “so let’s come up with a name” and that’s how we came up with Pa—and to this day, we call him Pa. And when you’re that young you might not understand what that means, but it definitely seeps in. You have to build trust in a blended family and understand that there are going to be major bumps along the way.

That’s the way it is—this is life. Everything is imperfect. There is no such thing as perfection generally in life and especially when it comes to parenting, co-parenting, and blended families. And if you can just sort of understand that and have a little bit of compassion for both sides, it will ease that burden and anxiety just a little bit. Sometimes the waters are tough to navigate, but again it’s just having some patience and understanding that everyone is trying to do their best to create harmony.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever gotten about being a dad?

It’s not a singular piece of advice that was sort of spoken. For me, it was just witnessing—on both sides of it. I could say the greatest person I was able to witness was Kurt because he was in my life and he raised me and he made me the man that I am today. There’s no doubt about it. But on the flip side of it, it’s my own biological father as well because I got to see what I didn’t want to do. And instead of repeating that pattern, I made a conscious decision to not do that. So that was a lesson in and of itself that I had to come to terms with—it wasn’t given to me. But, honestly I don’t think I would be half the dad that I am today without my situation with my biological father. I really don’t.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.