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Tips on How to Stop Negative Self-Talk in the New Year

My mind has a “mind” of its own. I can’t seem to control it. I don’t know how to stop the negative thoughts and negative self talk. I know I am supposed to be positive and loving with myself and the people in my life. I speak my positive affirmations. I repeat my mantras. I am a smart, capable, person! Why can’t I do this?!

I’ve read all the books, taken all of the courses, so why can’t I do it? I will be doing it, doing it, doing it, and then some circumstance in my life arises and I can no longer do it!

I suddenly find myself right back in the same thoughts and behaviours and speaking unkind things to myself and to others and then feeling guilty for my thoughts and actions.

Start with perspective

You are having a mental reaction.

That is all that is happening.

Your mind has perceived something that felt threatening to it in some way and it reacted. When it reacts, there is no controlling it in that moment. It’s like a wild horse. You actually can’t control it. It needs to have space and time to do what it needs to do to release the energy the fear or the threat produced.

Do’s and Don’ts

When your mind is having a reaction:

Don’t …

  1. judge it
  2. criticise it
  3. analyse and process it-if you hear yourself doing this repeat- “now is not the time”
  4. tell it scary stories to keep the threat alive
  5. tell it how bad it is and how it is embarrassing you
  6. call it names
  7. blame it or shame it
  8. try to control it or stop it.. It’s already happening
  9. take action or make decisions during a mind reaction.. Never.. ever..

Do …

  1. give it time and space to calm
  2. help it feel safe and loved
  3. remove it from the presence of other people so they don’t get trampled
  4. reassure it that it will be okay
  5. let it know it’s okay to react
  6. let it know you know it is scared and repeat to it, “you’re’re ok”
  7. acknowledge how it is feeling
  8. let it know you understand that it feels threatened

Once the energy has released, subsided and calmed, realize there is nothing to forgive. The reaction your mind had was a natural reaction to fear or threat. Your mind had this reaction for a reason.

Time to heal

Mental reactions are a gift to us in that they show us our deepest fears. They show us what we need to release and heal in order to grow and evolve and step into alignment with our greatness.

The more we heal, the more threats or fears we release, the less mental reactions we have. We become stronger, more emotionally stable, more unstoppable and unshakeable.

We are not easily spooked, distracted, threatened, or thrown off our course by the opinions, words, actions and behaviours of those around us.

We keep moving ahead with strength and confidence.

We stop doubting who we are and what we are here to do and we go do that no matter what anyone else says or thinks.

We find our power, our empowerment, our path.


There is nothing within you that you can or need to control. There are only things within you that you need to release and heal.

If you would like to learn more on how to release and heal those threats or fears, click here.

Angie Johnsey

To learn more about Angie, go to


This essay was featured in the Jan. 6th edition of The Sunday Paper, Maria Shriver’s free weekly newsletter for people with passion and purpose. To get inspiring and informative content like this piece delivered straight to your inbox each Sunday morning, click here to subscribe.




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