Dr. Madeline Levine on What We Can All Do to Find Our Equilibrium
Mental health issues among young people are rising. Over the last decade, clinical cases of child anxiety and depression have shown an uptick—and cases have nearly doubled since the pandemic. Various research shows suicidal behavior amongst kids to be increasing, with one analysis of surveys showing an increase of 25 percent since 2019. And anecdotally, we keep hearing of parents who are worried about the state of their child’s mental and emotional wellbeing.
This all begs the question: What can we do?
For insight, we reached out to Madeline Levine, PhD., a psychologist who has nearly four decades of experience working as an educator, clinician, and consultant. Levine has researched and written about the nuances of childhood stressors and emotional issues. (Her popular books, The Price of Privilege, and Teach Your Children Well, which explore the epidemic rates of emotional problems experienced in affluent teens and how parents can create healthier environments for their children, are both New York Times best-sellers.)
Given socioeconomics, race, upbringing, beliefs, gender, family background, genetics, and countless other elements that add to the human experience, every child is unique. Therefore there cannot be a single sweeping answer to why more young people across demographics are suffering from emotional, behavioral or mental issues. But Levine reveals many things that are feeding the increased levels of anxiety and depression. One giant culprit? Us. “We’re anxious, they’re anxious,” says Levine, whose most current book, Ready or Not: Preparing Our Kids to Thrive in Uncertain and Rapidly Changing World, focuses on how to best prepare both kids and ourselves—the adults—for an uncertain world.
We recently chatted with Levine over Zoom to discuss the gravity of kids’ mental health issues, how we adults can bolster children’s resiliency, and the most simple and impactful ways we can do better by our young ones. The following are main takeaways, edited and condensed for clarity, from our conversation.
Placing importance solely on kids’ performance is harmful.
These days, there is an intense pressure placed on kids’ cognitive performance. “If you get into Harvard and it’s right for you, that is great,” says Levine. “But our overestimation of the importance of that, and what we’re willing to do with kids [to achieve that] is harming them.” Levine recognizes this pressure often stems from competitiveness between parents. “What parents forget about their own childhood is that growing up really tough. So this relentless emphasis on one aspect of development—academic—leaves kids no space for the important internal work of crafting the basic architecture of a healthy and capable self.”
There’s always room to listen better.
When asked about the increased rates of suicides in children and adolescents, Levine says it is disgraceful. “How come we don’t have suicidality screening in every grade? Schools look at your ears and your eyes, but they don’t look at your mental health. I think that’s a huge miss on the part of the institutions.” She continues: “A lot of kids feel hopeless and not listened to. As one kid said to me, ‘I’m only as good as my last performance.’ When you feel that way, and if you fail on your performance, you’re hopeless. And depression is really about hopelessness.” According to Levine, honing one’s listening skills is the single most important parental talent. “I have never once had any kid in my office say to me, ‘my parents listened too much,’” she says.
How we cope impacts how our children cope.
“Coming out of COVID, while I’m concerned about kids, I’m probably more concerned about parents,” says Levine, who believes that parents and kids co-regulate when it comes to anxiety and other emotions. In essence, there is a contagion effect. “I used to be afraid of flying,” says Levine. “Whenever it would get turbulent, I would immediately look at the stewardess and her face would tell me that I didn’t need to be worried. That’s what parents do for their kids. Their capacity to be calm and to self-regulate helps children to regulate their own fears and anxieties.”
Creating a “pro-growth” environment for children is essential.
Some call it overparenting: We see any sign of our child being in distress and we immediately jump in to make it better. While well-intentioned, Dr. Levine says unnecessary intervention robs kids of the chances to develop normal adjustment strategies. Over the years, the results of this repeated short term accommodation to a child’s anxiety results in “accumulated disability.” The end result of this is young adults who don’t have the skills to handle challenge or disappointment. “My practice has been filled with parents who have accommodated to a child’s anxiety,” she says. “We’re defending our kids against the wrong things, and against the normative challenges of growing up, which happen every day: Your best friend doesn’t want to sit with you. You don’t get invited to the party. You weren’t selected for the traveling team.” It’s important to allow children the chance to build the needed skills to be able to fix things. “Growing up is challenging,” admits Levine. There’s no denying that. But adults need to understand that growth comes from allowing one to navigate those challenges. “You need to look at your environment and see if it’s kind of a pro-growth environment for your kid or if it’s an anxious, unnecessarily protective environment.”
Consistent adult support is key.
Both research and history show that kids whose parents are available, and who do not have a prior mental health diagnosis, fare better during hard times, says Levine. “There’s research on the London Blitz and the kids who stayed with their parents and endured the blitz and kids who were taken out to the countryside and did not endure the blitz. Interestingly, the research shows that the kids who stayed with their parents did better than the kids who were sent away.” There is no greater protection for a child than a consistent, calm and inviting adult. Considering this, Levine notes that reliable presence and support does not necessarily have to be from a parent. It can be from a reliable adult, whether it’s a babysitter or an aunt or a friend.
Optimism feeds resilience.
Let’s say every time your child comes home from school, you anxiously greet them by asking: Are you okay? What’s wrong? That will work against you by making them question things, says Levine. Instead, flip the switch and greet your child with positivity, such as: Tell me one fun thing that happened today. What are you looking forward to tomorrow? Optimism helps build resilience, says Levine. “There is no resilience gene. We’re resilient in some circumstances and not in others. This is the time for kids and parents to build their resilience toolbox.” We know some of the components of resilience – flexibility, self-regulation, optimism and curiosity. Parents need to focus on the development of these skills which are mandatory for mental health and are increasingly valued in the workplace.
Giving back feeds a sense of purpose.
When Levine saw children at her practice during COVID, most of whom were teenagers experiencing depression or anxiety or an overall “heightened sense of adolescent angst,” the most helpful thing she did was present opportunities for them to be of service. She offered them the option of tutoring, bringing groceries to neighbors, making phone calls. “I’d like to say it was my brilliant psychological interpretations, but it wasn’t,” she says.” It was giving kids a very specific purpose, because kids, teenagers in general, frequently don’t feel like they have much purpose[…] The curative power of being of service really struck me.”
Madeline Levine, Ph.D. is a psychologist with close to 40 years of experience as a clinician, consultant, educator and author. Her New York Times bestseller, The Price of Privilege, explores the reasons why teenagers from affluent families are experiencing epidemic rates of emotional problems. Her follow up book, Teach Your Children Well, also a New York Times bestseller, tackles our current narrow definition of success – how it unnecessarily stresses academically talented kids and marginalizes many more whose talents and interests are less amenable to measurement. Her current book, Ready or Not, focuses on how to best prepare our children and ourselves for an uncertain and rapidly changing world. Her books have been translated into multiple languages. To learn more visit madelinelevine.com.
