Facing Fear and Getting Unstuck with Spiritual Healer Jae Rae

Every Wednesday and Friday on Quilt, an audio-focused social wellness space, droves of people tune in live to ask Jae Rae about their fears. Should I leave him? Do you see a future for me somewhere else? How do I quit my job? Why don’t they love me anymore? Jae Rae listens—intently—to each member’s question, occasionally interrupting with an “I hear you, sweetie” or to ask for more details. Then the multi-hyphenate spiritual healer-medium-psychic answers—flooding the space with mic-drop wisdom.

“Sometimes people who have had years of therapy will spend five minutes with me and realize they have unraveled their entire life,” Jae Rae tells us.

Pinpointing that life-shifting clarity is why the Quilt community, as well as public figures, celebrities, civilians, and people from all walks of life, seek the spiritual counsel of Jae Rae. She has a way of cutting through the vortex of uncertainty, self-doubt, and fear and revealing to people how their life is now and how it can really be.

That is a scary concept in and of itself: The idea that we can face our fears and leave that job or relationship or situation and live the life destined for us. It’s also mind-blowingly exciting—which is why we reached out to Jae Rae over Zoom to get her insight on how to do it.

#1: Stop Waiting for an Apology

“Most people are always waiting for an apology,” says Jae Rae about facing fear and making a change. “It could be [about something] from 20 years ago. It could be from five years ago. They feel as though without that apology, or without that acknowledgment of something that happened to them, they can’t move on. And they find themselves living in this suspended reality—physically and emotionally suspended and stuck there.” The first thing Jae Rae asks someone seeking to move on? What or who are you waiting for? “I say, ‘don’t even think, just give me the first name that comes to mind’ and they say it immediately”—which is the subconscious revealing the truth.

#2: Find the Common Denominator

“Most therapy sessions start out with he, she, they, that…” says Jae Rae. But let’s look at the real root of the issue: you. If you wait to change someone else, wait for validation, or “stay in a relationship past its expiration date because you wanted to win something,” you will stay stuck, she says. “Everyone really has to realize that it’s not someone else’s fault […] “You are the common denominator in these situations.” This is a very “sobering moment, but it also is a very empowering moment.”

#3: Level Up the Self Love

So many of us are told “you’re crazy,” or “you’re overthinking it,” or “you’re processing it,” when it comes to feeling scared and stuck, says Jae Rae, who believes this is where radical self-love needs to kick in. When you love yourself, and you have full-stop conviction over who you are and what you want, “you don’t need the external validation—because you’re so good with yourself that you don’t need to wait for those things.”

#4: Look at Yourself Like You’re Your Own Child

When we want to make a change, often our current situation includes some form of mistreatment or abuse. So consider this: Would you allow your child (or friend, or pet) to be treated this way? “Would you let your child read these text messages?” asks Jae Rae. “Would you want your child to engage and to interact with these people?” The chances are likely: NO. So why let yourself? “Talk to yourself as though you are your own child. That’s the first part of self-love.”

#5: Honor Your Sovereignty

The moment someone becomes clear with who they are without being attached to anyone or thing—their family, their title, their status, their social circle—life opens up, says Jae Rae. “Their perception changes.” She continues, “We are our own separate being; our own sovereignty.” And when we honor that sovereignty, we can move past that fear and make the best choices that wholly align for us.

#6: Go Inward

So often when we’re stuck in a situation, it involves our connection to a narcissist—be it a narcissistic boss, partner, spouse, or friend. But you cannot rationalize or explain yourself to a narcissist, says Jae Rae.” Stop trying to get the narcissist to hear you.” Instead, go inward—and start confiding in a trusted friend outside of the situation. “Tell them what’s going on. You must trust.” This begins the cycle of change.

#7: Set Your Boundaries with Narcissists

Are you an empathetic person? A compassionate, loving person? Jae Rae is—and that is why she’s channeled her lessons from her years of being in narcissistic and abusive relationships to help other empathic people see where they need to set boundaries. “Our hearts are so open and so forgiving. And we never want to seem like we’re being mean,” she says. The critical issue is that empaths view someone being mean to them as something to fix rather than seeing it for what it is: wrong. “We’re such compassionate, loving people [that we think]: We’re going make this person love themselves, and we don’t realize it is killing us—literally emotionally, spiritually killing us.” Get clear, create boundaries, and move forward.

#8: Know that Wherever You Go, There You Are (and Make a List!)

It’s an issue Jae Rae sees over and over: People go to great lengths—they’ll move cities, go to far-off islands, head to healing weekends—to find clarity. It’s called destination happiness. “They think during this spiritual awakening, the next destination will be their happiness, not realizing they take themselves with them,” she says. “You go wherever you are.” To get unstuck, she says you need to get clear and be accountable. Sit with yourself and think of three things that you keep doing over and over and over again and how you attract or participate in each one. It’s tough but necessary for real change. . “I really do believe part of this process is a rite of passage,” says Jae Rae.

#9: Embrace that good energy.

There is an undeniable, unparalleled strong energy that comes from doing the work of true self-love. “People know they can’t f*&k with you,” says Jae Rae. “They just genuinely know there’s an energy that you give.” And this goes back to honoring your sovereignty. Know that before all else, you have yourself to take care of. “This is not something that happens overnight,” says Jae Rae. Self-love and clarity take small steps, but it maximizes—and it comes bigger and bigger and bigger. “We start to just see that by making a decision for yourself, everyone else ends up being okay.”

Jae Rae is a renegade spiritual healer who practices so many spiritual modalities that it’s impossible to label her. Growing up on Staten Island, Jae Rae always knew that she had a gift. Yet it wasn’t until her son was born with autism and delayed speech that she began to tap into her true power, using her extraordinary sense of energy to communicate with him. Now, Jae Rae is a mother of three and a world-renowned healer, known for her irreverent, rogue take on spiritual readings. Using tarot, astrology, automatic writing, mediumship, and more Jae Rae’s aim is to help you go from living a low vibe life to a high vibe one. She’s no nonsense and isn’t afraid to tell it like it is, even at the risk of losing a client. Throughout Jae Rae’s career she’s worked with multi-billionaires and mega-celebrities. However—as a single mother who once uprooted her family from Staten Island to Tampa, Florida with just $1,000 in her pocket—she’s faced many challenges. This has inspired her to share her gift with people from as many walks of life as possible. She offers a tarot text line, spirituality classes, virtual sessions, and Instagram lives to help reach people everywhere. To learn more, visit jaeraelive.com. And you can listen to Jae Rae every Wednesday and Friday on Quilt, a social wellness space to connect, share, and learn with others through daily conversations. Learn more and sign-up here.