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Feeling Distant From Your Partner? Here Are 5 Ways to Help You Reconnect

by DR. EMILY MORSE

In all relationships, no matter how much love we share with our partner—no matter how in love we are—we might find ourselves at a crossroads where the honeymoon period dissipates and you’re left wondering where the spark has gone. Maybe you’re wondering why it seems harder to get in the mood, or why you aren’t exactly jumping each other’s bones anymore. At times, it may seem like what used to happen “naturally” is no longer working. If this sounds like you, don’t worry! This is all completely normal, and you can easily get back to a close, loving & passionate place.

The most important thing to know going in, is that you and your partner are a team, so you’re not left to solve this on your own, you can solve it together! If you’re feeling some distance has grown between you and your lover, here are five ways that can help you reconnect.

Reconnect with yourself first.

When we’re feeling less connected to our partners, especially in the bedroom, it often means we’ve lost a little connection to ourselves, too. Especially with kids, work, family, friends, even pets in the picture, we tend to put ourselves last on our priority list. Take some time to do something that relaxes you, whether it’s reading a book, taking a bath, or having an uninterrupted glass of wine (or two). Once you’re zenned-out, make some time for your pleasure, which means a little self-love action. The more connected you feel to your own body, the more capacity you have to reconnect with your partner.

Put the Phone Away.

It’s been said that the average person checks their phone over 60 times a day and that people who bring their phone to bed are two times more likely to engage with their phone than their partner the hour before sleep. If you’re already struggling to connect, having your phone in bed definitely isn’t going to help! I always say the bedroom is for sleep and for sex, and electronics should be kept as far away from the bed as possible. Before bed, instead of scrolling through Instagram or going over those last few work emails, spend that time talking, cuddling, or just being with your partner. You’ll start to feel more connected when you unplug.

Prioritize your Relationship.

We often forget to actually take the time to prioritize our relationship, especially when children are added to the mix. You might be parents, but you’re also lovers, remember that. Talk with your partner about ways that you can prioritize intimacy in your relationship, and take some time for yourselves. Whether it’s something as simple as 30 minutes of uninterrupted time talking to each other or a one-night “mini-vacation” away from the kids, it’s vital that you make sure you focus on each other.

Date Night.

Speaking of prioritizing your relationship, date nights should be a weekly event. If that’s not feasible due to schedules, at least aim for twice a month. It doesn’t have to break the bank either. It could be as low key or as simple as taking a walk in the neighborhood/your downtown area or a picnic at your local park. As long as you’re spending quality time together, without discussing work or the kids, and just focusing undivided attention on each other. Reminisce, relax, and revisit what flirting like you used to feel like!

Scheduling Sex.

Now that date night is clearly marked on your calendar, it’s time to add sex on there, too. When we get into the pattern of “waiting” for sex to happen in the midst of client meetings, baseball games, and choir practice, you’re probably going to end up waiting a while. Some may see it as taboo, or “the least sexy thing you can do,” but when you put YOUR intimate time on your schedule, you both know when it’s going to happen, allowing yourselves the whole day to get in the mood. Send each other texts about how excited you are, set up your space to feel sexy (i.e. no laundry pile in the corner), and make it an intimate and special experience.

***

These aren’t simple fixes, and it’s going to take a lot of healthy conversations with your partner to fully set things in motion, but if both of you really put in the effort to reconnect, you’ll be back in that loving, close, and connected space before you know it. Hey, it might even be better than your first honeymoon period, but you won’t know until you try.

This essay was featured in the November 10th edition of The Sunday Paper. The Sunday Paper inspires hearts and minds to rise above the noise. To get The Sunday Paper delivered to your inbox each Sunday morning for free, click here to subscribe.

DR. EMILY MORSE

Dr. Emily Morse is the host of Sex with Emily radio show on SiriusXM, as well as the founder and host of the iTunes top-rated podcast of the same name. She began Sex With Emily back in 2005 from her living room in San Francisco, and since has become a Doctor of Human Sexuality, author, and multimedia personality. She has inspired millions of listeners and followers to make sex a priority, enhance communication, and strengthen their relationships. To learn more or to subscribe to her podcast, visit sexwithemily.com.

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