Loving Who You Really Are


For many, this week is one of the most loving weeks of the year. For others, it is the loneliest and most depressing. Why? Because nothing feels better or hurts more than love. It’s just that powerful of a force. But how is it possible that something can be so polarizing emotionally? In our binary, logic-filled way of living, something is either on or off, black or white, good or bad. Not love. It can make us feel all of it…several times over.

Reflecting on this made me realize that maybe this is because we mostly focus on how love makes us feel. After all, wanting to feel loved is one of our deepest desires. But maybe this has become a damaging self-fulfilling prophecy, for in our wanting so badly to feel loved, we have selfishly lost our loving ways, especially the love we have for ourselves. Maybe this is part of the reason that loneliness and depression are both at all-time highs.

So, do you find yourself wanting more love in your life? Then be more loving. Starting with having more love for yourself.

Stop beating yourself up and start being more gentle and kind to yourself.

Stop seeking perfection and know that you are perfect just the way you are.

Stop living in your head in a state of constant judgment.

Stop believing you are not worthy or good enough because you are absolutely both. Because all those unloving thoughts do for you is create more isolation, for they don’t allow other people to love you either.

At the same time, be more loving to other people as well. Spend more time with people who matter to you. Give out compliments on a regular basis…even to total strangers.

Write thank-you notes. Volunteer your time in support of a cause that is meaningful for you and for those who benefit from your service.

Get off social media and commit to creating real friendships.

Don’t text “Happy Birthday” to someone; call them instead or send them a meaningful card. Smile. Notice how easy it is to spread love, and notice how it makes you feel as well.

Happy Valentine’s Week. Go be the love you wish to have in your life and see in the world.


Matthew Emerzian is the founder and CEO of Every Monday Matters (EMM), a not-for-profit organization committed to helping people and organizations understand how much and why they matter. Over the past ten years, Emerzian has traveled the country sharing his unique story and insight on finding purpose. Now he is sharing his personal story and message with the world in his highly anticipated third book You Matter. Learning to Love Who You Really Are is currently available for pre-order and will be released on February 11, 2020.


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