A Conversation with Nabela Noor—and Her Sunday ‘To Be’ List

In ‘Pockets of Peace,’ a TikTok series created during lockdown, Bangladeshi-American entrepreneur and designer Nabela Noor shows snippets of her life that are both ordinary and comforting: Slicing lemons. Dipping apples into peanut butter. Lighting a candle. Throughout the pandemic, viewers have aspired to Noor’s series, not because the moments she shares are groundbreaking but because they’re exactly the opposite—and we tend to overlook the beauty they hold. “I believe each day carries a few moments of goodness and we deserve to enjoy them,” says Noor in one video.

Noor speaks to an audience who is seeking more of exactly that: being present. She’s also a fierce advocate for self-love, but not in the catchy, headline-y sense that permeates the digital space. Noor delivers wisdom that is so raw and honest, you can’t help but feel seen. “I’ve learned just how much trauma is associated with this feeling of unworthiness. As though you don’t deserve good things, as though you don’t deserve joy, as though there are conditions surrounding those things,” she tells us over the phone. “Through therapy and lots of inner work and healing, I realized I do deserve to be happy, and I do deserve good things, and I do deserve joy.”

We recently caught up with Noor, whose first book, Beautifully Me, was just released, to talk more about how she hopes to give others permission to feel seen—and to enjoy all of life’s moments.

You’re always so present. What’s your secret?

Throughout the pandemic, I became more in tune with being still and soaking in each moment. That inspired my series, Pockets of Peace. In that, I find pockets of peace in each moment, in each day. The things that went right in every single day, I celebrate. I take that approach when I go on social media. We’re already bombarded with a lot of sadness and negativity. So for my community, if what I create can be something that reminds me to be still and reminds you to take care of yourself, inspires you to approach yourself and your journey with love, then that is the best use of my time on the internet.

You made a comment recently where you said, “I never dreamed I deserve to be this happy.” Countless others have experienced that same feeling of being unworthy of happiness and joy. What would you say to them?

Well, first and foremost, imposter syndrome is real. I’ve learned just how much trauma is associated with this feeling of unworthiness. As though you don’t deserve good things, as though you don’t deserve joy, as though there are conditions surrounding those things. Through therapy and lots of inner work and healing, I realized I do deserve to be happy and I do deserve good things and I do deserve joy. And even if it is fleeting, I deserve to cherish it in this moment. So I’m realizing that everything is temporary, both pain and happiness. They all come in waves. So if I can celebrate my joy without fear of losing it, then at least, during the time that I have it, it is special and it is sacred. I encourage people that do feel as though they don’t deserve to be happy or that, or that happiness might be too good to be true, to challenge why they think that way. What in their past made them believe that? Think about what their life would be like if they just welcomed the joy with open arms.

That is profound because it’s as though we feel like we’re waiting for the other shoe to drop…

And as we wait for the other shoe to drop, we lose the fact that we have the one shoe. I have this joy right now, but here I am fearing that I’ll be losing this joy. But then what about the time that I had it? And when did I get to really experience and savor it?

Let’s talk about your new book, Beautifully Me. Centered on the story of Zubi, a young Bangladeshi American girl, the book talks about the power of words and the impact of what we say. Who did you write this book for?

My work has centered around advocacy for self-love journeys with teenagers and adults for as long as I can remember. I’ve been speaking to young adults about how they can unlearn toxic beauty standards, how they can reframe their understanding of their self-love journey, and what beautiful really means. But at a certain point in my career, I came to this point where I realized, what if instead of helping people unlearn, they learn the right message, the healthy message about competence and beauty, as a child. What if we didn’t have to do all this unlearning and reconditioning because we’ve learned the right message at the trunk. I wanted to go straight to the trunk of the tree and help grow competent kids.

That is the reason why I wanted to write Beautifully Me. As I was writing it, I realized that it was definitely for both adults and children, because a lot of what we understand about ourselves is because of the words you hear others say about themselves, especially when we are young impressionable children. A lot of my own understanding of beauty was based off what I saw my mom and my older sister say about their own bodies. If we realize the power that we have with our tongue and how we frame ourselves in this world, and if we realize how much impact that has on a child, maybe would be more mindful. I’d hope we would be.

I want this book to be a gentle reminder to the adults reading this to their loved ones that their words have impact. And by unconditionally loving themselves, they can inspire and raise children who unconditionally love themselves.

Your career is multifaceted, and you have so much going on from designing to running your non-profit, Noor House, to your online series. What helps you stay grounded?

I’m very thankful to still be living in a small town in Pennsylvania, minutes away from my parents, and my siblings. We’re all very close and accessible. That support system is so rich and it centers me. It grounds me. It always reminds me of what really matters at the end of the day. My immigrant parents have worked so hard to come to this country to afford us these opportunities. So that all keeps me still, it keeps me grounded, and it always makes me feel seen. I think it is the fuel behind everything that I do.

Speaking of your parents, what aspects of your South Asian heritage do you feel anyone would help others, no matter their background?

Beautifully Me provides me with the representation that I’d always dreamed of seeing growing up. You know, I never saw a character like Zubi. I never saw a South Asian family represented. I didn’t see myself represented in TV, film, media, books, you name it. One of the things they really wanted within the book was to celebrate our language, to celebrate our culture, to help little brown girls feel seen. That there are parents that looked like theirs and, and homes that looked like theirs, and food that looks like theirs.

The thing about my culture that I think everybody can resonate is that it’s very much rooted in family, food, and celebration. It’s rooted in togetherness. I’m very thankful that I’ve had the opportunity to share what a bonded family looks like in this book and, um, the connectedness. Zubi’s grandmother is in the book, and grandmother would come to the States to live with us then go back [to Bangladesh]. This was comforting, and it made all the difference growing up.

We all just want to support each other and be with each other and uplift each other. And there’s such a big power of food through [doing] that, which is something that’s big in my culture and I think a lot of people can relate to that.

And lastly, for our ‘To Be’ series, how do you want ‘to be’?

I want “to be” helpful.
I want “to be” supportive.
I want “to be” encouraging.
The thing that I want to bring out in the world is that I want to help people love themselves. I want to help people in their journey towards loving themselves… loving themselves in their home… loving themselves with their foods… That’s really what my time on the internet has been about, with Pockets of Peace, and now to this book, Beautifully Me. If I can help you love yourself and take care of yourself, then again I feel that is my time well spent.

To learn more about Nabela Noor, visit loveandnoor.co and follow her on Instagram at @nabela. And you can order her new book, Beautifully Me, here.