The Top Resolutions to Make with Your Partner
This New Year, in particular, is a fantastic time to see what is and isn’t working with ourselves and with our partners—from intimacy to self-love to what goes on between the sheets.
TALK ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE ONCE A MONTH (at least)
If you’re already doing this, great! However, most people rarely talk about their sex life – and when they do, it doesn’t go over so well. Communication is a lubrication – and our brains are our largest sex organ. So if we get our brains on board, our bodies will follow.
When you’re talking about your sex life, you want to make sure to do it outside the bedroom, without shaming or blaming, and from a place of curiosity. So, be clear and direct with your partner about how you’re feeling, and also actively listen to what they have to say, too.
Talk about what you both love about your sex life, things that can make an improvement (but be delicate here), and something that you’d like to switch up because you know the end result will just be even more intimacy, connection, and pleasure.
MAKE A SEX PLAN
The reason resolutions can seem so daunting is because we set ourselves up for unrealistic goals. If you never go to the gym, saying that you’re going to go every day is going to fall by the wayside before February even hits. So make small, attainable changes this year–and that includes your sex life! Whether it’s carving out some time for solo love, or ensuring you and your partner have designated time to get your engines fired up, making a sex plan can only mean one thing: more pleasure (and who doesn’t want that?).
While it may seem like a completely un-sexy (or even terrifying, to be honest) thing you can do, mapping out your sex life is actually one of the best things you can do. I mean, if you aren’t having it now, it’s not going to magically get back on track one day.
This year commit to making a sex plan with your partner. Talk about your needs, desires, new things you want to try, and then plan out when you’d like to get there. Kind of like your own sexy timeline. If you don’t know where to start, you can try with a simple “yes, no, maybe,” list paired with one of the best lubrications on the planet: communication. Be open, be honest, and create the ultimate roadmap all of your needs TOGETHER.
DO AN ACTIVITY TOGETHER
Couples that play together stay together. Having a weekly or monthly class or activity that you can enjoy together is a great way to enhance your connection and intimacy, especially if it involves movement like a salsa class, a couple’s massage or even a wine & painting class where you can enjoy a lighthearted evening channeling your inner Bob Ross. Both the added dose of adrenaline from a dance class and letting loose, laughing and being goofy together, works wonders to amp up your connection.
KEEP TECHNOLOGY OUT OF THE BEDROOM
If you’ve found that you’re falling asleep to the glare of your phone rather than your partner’s eyes, or you find yourself mutually scrolling into the night, it’s time to check your tech at the bedroom door. This way you’ll be able to spend the last few moments of the day connecting with your partner without the distractions.
Make sure your bedroom is a place where you commit to giving your partner your full attention when you’re with them. The only multitasking you should be doing is foreplay!
THERAPY – KEEP THE PEACE
Think of therapy as an investment in your relationship’s future. There doesn’t have to be a “problem” for you to utilize this resource. In fact, you should be giving therapy a go before a situation arises. We all have communication techniques completely individual to us, so it’s understandable that you might get frustrated when your partner communicates in their way – because it’s just not how you approach something.
This is where the love languages come in. If you’ve never heard of them, take the love languages quiz. That way you know the right ways to speak to each other, and can get on the same page. So, having an objective listener who can showcase how you two process things and shed light on how your differences make you unique, will help you create your own love language where you know how to clearly communicate with each other.
This isn’t simply a new year, it’s a joyous reset & restart. If you didn’t “accomplish” what you had set out to do as far as your relationships go in 2019, let yourself off the hook! We’re human, we have success and setbacks, but it’s never too late to get yourself on track. By introducing small, easily achievable changes to your sex life, you can build a beautiful foundation of communication and pleasure. Now, let’s welcome the “Roaring Twenties” back in sexy style!
This essay was featured in the January 5th edition of The Sunday Paper. The Sunday Paper inspires hearts and minds to rise above the noise. To get The Sunday Paper delivered to your inbox each Sunday morning for free, click here to subscribe.